Feedback is not a gift.

I'm sorry to say that we've been fed a lie.

The feedback sandwich, wrapped up as a gift that everyone needs but no one wants to deliver.

I have a funny relationship with feedback.

I love receiving it - whether it’s positive (like when a reader DMs saying “reading your Substack is like living inside my own brain”) or constructive (like when my boyfriend tells me my subject line makes no sense).

I also suck at giving it, at least I did earlier in my career when I was a young green manager with a lot of ambition but not a clue. I often tried to dish out a feedback sandwich to members of my team (one good thing, followed by one hidden-but-not-hidden bad thing, followed by another good thing). It always felt like the worst mix of awkward and uncomfortable, and I became Head Chef of holding onto negative feedback and not communicating it to the person involved. Looking back, I rationalised this silence by telling myself that ‘feedback was a gift’; something I could give my team but not something I had to.

The more I think about it though, the more I realise this gift metaphor makes no sense:

• Gifts are given on specific occasions like for a birthday or at Christmas. Feedback, in its finest form, should be shared not once but in a continuous and never ending loop.

• Gifts are often a surprise. Feedback - good or bad - shouldn’t come as a surprise in environments where open communication exists.

• Gifts aren’t reciprocal - if I give one to you, I don’t expect one in return. But feedback should be a two way street no matter the dynamic: employer-employee, friend-friend or within a romantic relationship.

• Gifts make you happy. Feedback probably won’t make you happy in the moment but will help you improve in the long run.

• Gifts are nice to have. Feedback is a must have.

If I could go back and give my younger self some advice, I’d say that delivering high quality feedback is a muscle that can be grown and a habit that can be built. I’d tell myself to think of it as being part of my daily routine as opposed to a noble act of going above and beyond.

Because I know that to share feedback openly and honestly is to show people they’re valued and I want them improve. That I see them. That I care.

Now that’s what I call a gift.

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🎙️Do you want to keep reading about portfolio careers, or are you over it?

ICYMI I just wrapped up this six part series on PC and to my genuine surprise, it kinda blew this newsletter up so I bought myself some jonquils to celebrate. Now I’m debating whether portfolio careers should be my “thing” (have I accidentally found a niche?), where I should take this little publication of ours, and what creative projects I can cook up now that I’m becoming more confident as a thinker/writer/creative/strategist/sharer/teacher. For those interested, here are my takeaways and unfiltered thoughts about it all:

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🙏🏽 To help make this newsletter as punchy and valuable as possible, I’d love your unsolicited feedback…

4 questions, 1 minute, that’s all it takes (I promise).