Clawing my way out of the comparison trap.
A lesson in finding compassion and joy.
👋🏼 Hey, I’m Anna; a founder and operator in an ongoing relationship with writing. Welcome to my weekly newsletter, where I share insights and ideas across career, business, personal development, creativity, productivity..and everything in between.
Six years ago a friend and I started a podcast interviewing female founders. Not long after we pressed publish on our first ep we were poppin’ bottles and toasting to the fact that we’d made it into mainstream media-land; securing a contract with the largest network in the country.
But just as the drinks stopped flowing and the hangover started to kick in, I came across an announcement from a fellow podcaster who’d started around the same time as us. They’d landed a network contract and a book deal.
My champagne bubbles burst and were replaced with a sinking feeling of comparison despair. Would we ever be able to land a book deal too? Our progress, which only moments before had been massive, now seemed measly. I was defeated.
A few weeks later I heard through the grapevine that said podcaster was going through a brutal legal battle with someone who’d stolen their IP; an experience I wouldn’t wish upon my arch nemesis let alone a peer. In this moment I realised that behind their shimmering success was a dark shadow, and I was overcome by waves of compassion for the things they’d kept hidden from public view.
All the things that remain unseen.
There’s a sinister side to fame and fortune, a lowlight reel that never sees the light of day. Even the most successful walking among us deal with problems, but I often conveniently forget it when I compare my life to theirs.
Tim Ferris wrote about this in a blog post titled ‘11 Reasons Not To Become Famous’, sharing that during the 7 years that ‘The 4 Hour Work Week’ lived on the NYT best seller list, he dealt with monthly death threats (terrifying), stalkers (creepy), identity theft (anxiety-inducing) and kidnapping attempts (yikes). Reading his blog I was quietly relieved that I’d never had cash siphoned from my bank account or a large and menacing envelope full of questionable powder land in my letterbox. And I felt deeply sorry for him, just as I’d felt for the podcaster-slash-author who had, at one stage, unknowingly turned me into a green-eyed monster.
Turning comparison into compassion.
Sometimes I get stuck in the comparison cave despite my best efforts to embody my most-enlightened-non-comparing self. When this happens I enact a drastic plan to climb the rock face and come up for air. I don’t look for the negatives - far from it - but I do see the hidden challenges people grapple with that don’t make it onto our newsfeed of greatest hits.
When I adopt this perspective it vanquishes comparison and brings compassion and empathy into the light. I become grateful for the things I already have, like access to health care while recovering from a knee reco and the fact I’m living out my teenage sitcom dream of having my best friends in the same apartment building.
I now know that comparison leads to compassion. Compassion leads to perspective. Perspective leads to gratitude. And gratitude leads to joy.
My biggest lesson in all of this?
Comparison doesn’t have to be the thief of joy. It actually holds joy’s hand if I just look right beside it.
👀 Let me know what you think?
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I like the flow, and rhythm of this article.
Compassion also comes from looking at the big picture. My simple rule is 'by comparing we are envious of someone's small part of their lives and yearn it to be a part of us, but desiring to have that small part is selfish. You should inherit all of their lives into Yours'. This one mantra keeps me away consciously from comparing.
Comparison seems to be a natural human instinct but one we must escape if we want to learn to be content with ourselves and our lives. I really enjoyed reading this! Thank you Anna.
And I’m excited for next weeks topic! Living too much in the future is something I struggle with at times.