The worst thing that never happened to me

And my four step process for moving through fear.

I used to have this potent, recurring nightmare where everything I’d ever worked to build crumbled down around me. My bank account was empty, my business had collapsed, I was a giant failure and had no one to turn to for support. I’d wake up desperately gasping for air, clutching blindly for a reality where I wasn’t in free fall but wrapped up warm and safe in bed.

It happened every few nights in the early days of being self employed, and shaken, I’d spend the following days overthinking all my life choices. Was it a mistake to quit my job to go all in? What if I run out of money? What if I can’t generate work? What if I fail or worse, what if people mock me? I stewed and I fretted and became unhealthily obsessed with preventing my imagined downfall.

The more I tried not to overthink the more I overthought. Each decision was clouded by fear and I started taking smaller swings and making timid moves, until one day, frustrated and tired, a funny thing happened. I made the decision not to fight my anxiety and allowed myself to wallow in the worst case. I let my mind, heart and body go to mental rock bottom, but surprisingly I didn’t feel despair. I realised that the worst case wasn’t career ending like I thought. It was recoverable. Workable. A challenge I could overcome.

Four steps to move through fear

Over the last few years I’ve come up against fear a lot. I like to think it’s because I’m in the arena, constantly putting myself out there and risking being torn apart. As a result I’ve developed a coping strategy if you will; a four step process that helps me push against limiting beliefs and navigate through terrifying situations that leave me shaking to my core.

Step 1: Awareness

Sometimes it’s hard to decipher what the root of my fear really is. I feel it in my body first; the elevated heart rate, the sweaty palms, the rush of energy telling me to bolt in the opposite direction. When I experience this physiological spike it’s a sign to dig deep and find the real trigger, and so I start journalling in an effort to make my fears known. I ask:

• What am I really afraid of?

• Why am I scared of this outcome?

• Where does this fear stem from?

• Can I connect this fear to a memory earlier on in life?

• What is this fear protecting me from?

I write my fears down. I give them space and let them breathe, because without understanding what’s driving me it’s impossible to get behind the wheel.

Step 2: Worst Case Scenario

Most people avoid getting locked up in a mental dungeon, but I force myself there when I’m afraid (morbid, I know). I close my eyes and allow myself to think through what would happen if my worst case scenario came true. Every bone in my body feels the dread and despair. I ask:

• What would the worst case scenario look like?

• What would the worst case scenario feel like?

• How would my life fall apart?

Then, I write an action list for everything I’d do next. I ask:

• Who would I call for support?

• What options would be available to me?

• What actions could I take in the first day, the first week, the next month?

• How would I put my life back together?

Back when I was a young, green entrepreneur, I practiced this religiously and through it, came to realise there are always things within my control. There’s always something to be done. A worst case scenario isn’t an ending.

Step 3: Best Case Scenario

Now comes the fun part where I indulge in a thought experiment and write down everything that could go right, making it as extreme, dramatic, vivid and ridiculous as the worst case scenario. I ask:

• What would happen if everything goes to plan?

• What would happen in everything goes better than the plan?

• What would my wildest dreams look like?

• How would achieving my goals feel?

I fantasise about everything playing out in my favour; that my business pulls in 7 figures, that my newsletter inspires thousands of people to do what they’ve always dreamed of, that I build a recognised and impactful brand, that I write a best selling book. I dream, I envision, I recalibrate, I reset.

Step 4: Take Action

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it a million times over: action is the hardest yet most crucial step. It’s terrifying, it’s daunting, it sucks. But to me, nothing sucks more than being stuck, and so I always take a big, deep, courageous breath and put one foot forward. I have one conversation. I tick off one item on my to do list. I post once on social media. I make one phone call. It might not seem like a lot but each of these steps not only inch me forward, they generate proof of my ability. They help me build a bulletproof case that I’m capable, with armour stacked thick with evidence that I can.

Fears aren’t facts

I’ve been in the entrepreneurial arena for 5+ years and experience tells me that my worst fears rarely, if ever, materialise. I am not financially destitute. Rather, I work with inspiring founders and start-ups, I mentor hungry up-and-comers, I write, I create. I now know that money, and opportunities to earn, are everywhere.

I’ve arrived here not because I willed myself to stop overthinking all those years ago. I’ve arrived here through mentally preparing for my downfall and finding trust that I would make it through. I’ve arrived here - no longer desperately gasping for air - in a reality where the worst thing in the world only happened in my mind, and the best thing that could have happened became my life.

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Writing and recording on a cold, rainy, dreary Melbourne day.

🎙️How I overcame my fear around money and the unknown:

• The head-fuck that comes from non-regular income after years of a stable and secure pay [0:47]

• How COVID gave me a scarcity mindset [2:45]

• The worst case scenario action list I wrote, back when I was starting out [5:29]

• The very first scary action I took in the face of my money fears [9:21]

• Two easily learnable skills to help you move through financial tough times [11:49]

• The big fear I’m currently working through [12:21]

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