The disease to please clients
How I've learned to set boundaries and take back control of my life.
One of the great privileges of working for yourself is that you can say yes to whatever you want and no to whatever you don’t. You can say yes to a dream client even if they can’t meet your budget. You can say no to people who suck the life out of you. You can choose not to take meetings on Mondays. You can work 7 days in a row or 10 days in a month.
At least, in theory you can.
In reality things aren’t so easy-breezy. Having total control requires boundaries, and designing, communicating and maintaining them is tricky, particularly if a large % of your income is generated through done-for-you work.
I know the boundary-struggle all too well because I used to have zero (ill advised)! Early on in my portfolio career, I lacked a lot of confidence. I believed that people were doing me a favour by hiring me and therefore felt the need to go above and beyond in every way, at every turn. I said yes to every request, responded to emails within 45 seconds and swept anything that annoyed me under the rug.
My people-pleasing proclivities pleased no one, especially not me, and they caused resentment to bubble away beneath my smiley, accommodating surface. It wasn’t until much later on (and through many therapy sessions) that I saw the glaringly obvious solution to my very preventable problem. I had to have a slightly uncomfortable conversation to let people know where I stood.
How to set boundaries even though you’re scared to
Everyone needs boundaries. I need them, you need them, clients need them, we all need them. They’re particularly important when you work for yourself because:
If clients don’t you know your boundaries, they can’t respect them
If there’s ambiguity in terms of how you work, people make assumptions
If expectations are unclear, it leads to disappointment, frustration and resentment on both sides
No boundaries = no fun. So how do you set, communicate and reinforce them in a way that benefits everyone?
Know your boundaries
First step is getting clear on what they are. Reflect on how you do your best work and what’s sustainable over the long run. Ask yourself:
When am I available?
How long does it realistically take for me to respond?
What’s my usual turnaround time for work?
What are my preferred communication channels?
What does my scope look like?
What are my external commitments or obligations?
What are my non-negotiables?
Over the years I’ve learned a few important things about myself. I know that I need full days without meetings to do deep work. Messaging clients back and forth on my phone stresses me out. Strictly dedicating certain days to certain things limits my overall output. And so:
I maintain meeting free Mondays
I don’t dedicate specific days to specific clients. Instead I structure agreements around outputs or a number of hours per week/month
I have a 24 hour turnaround unless something is genuinely urgent
I consolidate comms within email or Slack
Communicate boundaries upfront with new clients
Boundaries are simply words on a page until you share them with others. When it comes to client chats, it’s way better to hash it out at the start than to retroactively enforce them once a dynamic has already formed. I consider the following actions as part of my standard onboarding process:
Have a conversation upfront about ways of working and frame it as wanting to set you both up for success
Ask clients about their preferred working style and expectations
Communicate your boundaries in terms of “this is how I do my best work”
Find a middle ground - this is all about compromise, people! For example, even though I have non-negotiables (eg. no meetings on Mondays) I’m happy to have standing meetings on other days, use a client’s internal tools or have calls in the evening
Document your shared understanding in an email or formal agreement
Put a one month check-in in the calendar to review how things are going
Reset your boundaries with existing clients
Broaching boundaries with clients who are used to a certain way of working is tricky. The stakes feel high and there’s fear that you might lose your income, rock the boat or that you’ll be seen as an ungrateful *expletive*.
If the idea of resetting boundaries makes you hot under the collar please know this: it’s normal for your working arrangement to evolve. All businesses raise prices, renegotiate agreements and redefine their operating models over time. It’s standard practice. I typically review prices and chat about ways of working once a year (end of a calendar year or FY) and in my experience, people often welcome the conversation. Have the chat, co-design your working relationship and continue on your merry way.
Hard chat = easy path
Maintaining good client boundaries comes down to knowing what you have to give, communicating your limits graciously, and sticking to what you’ve agreed. This means that if you’ve said you’re not available for meetings on Mondays, don’t agree to last minute meetings on Mondays. If you agree to streamline comms via email, don’t be available 24/7 on your phone.
In the same breath, it also means holding up your end of the bargain. Deliver on your promise to turn work around in a specified time. Reply in the right comms channel. Respect their response time too. Do good work.
One of the great privileges of working for yourself is that you can design your days around your life, your life around your values, and your career around your dreams.
Just make sure to leave your people-pleasing proclivities at the door!
That one time a client put a 7am Monday meeting in my calendar at midnight on Sunday night (eek), early conversations I had with clients about my boundaries and how they went (well), and why setting clear expectations is helpful not only for you but also the people you work with (true).
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This is so good. I appreciate the voiceover!