Sorry I’m late, I was caught in a spiral of self sabotage.
On why I don't always listen to my thoughts.
👋🏼 Hey, I’m Anna! I’m a founder and operator in an ongoing relationship with writing. Welcome to my weekly newsletter where I share business, career and life lessons that I’ve learned over years of trying hard, failing often, and on occasion succeeding too.
In my early twenties, I was often at war with my thoughts.
Whenever a growth moment cropped up in life, my mind would be right there spewing out a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t step up to the plate. This destructive thinking would especially rear its head whenever I booked a ticket to go to an event solo. In the lead up to every conference, panel or networking shindig, I’d enter an Olympic-level mental gymnastics competition trying to justify why I should just stay home.
“You’re tired. You had a big day at work. Don’t bother.”
“You’ll go to the next one.”
“It’ll probably be a waste of time. You won’t meet anyone new.”
“Just ditch it and order Thai on Uber Eats instead.”
Before a League of Extraordinary Women event in February 2017, I’d been tossing and turning over whether or not to go, sitting right on the edge for days. But this time when the night rolled around, I psyched myself up by splashing cold water on my face, and jumped in an Uber.
Little did I know this decision would be one of the most pivotal of my career.
I surveyed the room when I rocked up and saw a smiley woman in a pink dress with voluminous sleeves who radiated good vibes. I introduced myself and we immediately clicked; sharing trade secrets from our careers in beauty - hers at L’Oreal, mine at Mecca - and chatting about fun side projects we were working on.
I didn't think much of the exchange, but some weeks later I shot her an email saying I was thinking of hosting a dinner for some entrepreneurial friends, and would she like to co-host and bring her mates too? Her response arrived in my inbox within minutes. She was in.
We eventually hosted that first dinner, and together with a third friend it became a recurring event series, which we then spent the next years of our life building into an award-winning podcast and community of tens of thousands of entrepreneurial women all across Australia.
That split-second decision to show up (even though I didn’t want to) led to a chance connection, then a side hustle, then a business, then to quitting my dream job at Mecca, which laid the groundwork for a career writing and working with some of the most exciting startups across Australia and the US.
Sometimes you shouldn’t listen.
Conventional wisdom says you should always listen deeply when your brain and body have something to say.
But what about when your mind is screaming “stay home!” and “don’t do it!” and “you can’t!” and “you shouldn’t!”? What happens when the internal dictator rears its ugly head, telling you to do the exact opposite of what’s good for you?
In my experience, there are moments in life — like that fateful night in February 2017 — that we should forcefully, loudly, and ever so kindly tell our thoughts to please shut the fuck up.
I often wonder where my life would be now if I’d stayed home that night. Would the three of us have bandied together to start a business? Would I have ever taken the leap into being self employed? Would I be here, writing this newsletter at 9:15pm at night, speaking directly to you?
Who knows. It’s a possibility but not a probability. All I know is that I’m grateful for my past self for not listening to what I had to say.
How I increase my odds of making magic.
Creating magical opportunities and connections takes action. Uncomfortable, downright scary action. But like some kind of twisted joke, when we try to take said action the monstrous thoughts tend to creep in.
In a world that preaches ‘listen to your gut’ how do we discern what’s intuition vs. fear? And how do we learn to ignore the noise that comes from within?
While I’m certainly no psychologist, I’ve spent many years learning to quieten my inner dialogue and this is what works for me:
First and foremost, realise that self-sabotaging thoughts aren’t intrinsically bad. It’s what we do with them that matters.
When one arises, recognise that it’s just a thought. It doesn’t know better than you. It doesn’t know something that you don’t. You can let it come and go. You can let it float away.
Draw on past experiences when you’ve taken action and won. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve remembered that fateful February 2017 night whenever my mind tells me to not follow through on something I know I should.
Remind yourself that how you feel before doing something is usually way worse than how you feel during or after it.
See, the trick to making magic isn’t to only have positive thoughts. It’s to act even when your brain is screaming not to. It’s to act despite your mind listing out all the reasons you shouldn’t. Despite feeling sick to your stomach. Despite wanting to stay home and order Thai on Uber Eats instead.
Because when you override a negative thought and step forward in spite of it, you realise it isn’t so bad after all. You realise that you’re more capable than you thought.
And you realise that your mind is a sneaky little magician.
It was playing tricks on you all along.
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Lovely essay Anna :) especially loved this: “Because when you override a negative thought and step forward in spite of it, you realise it isn’t so bad after all. You realise that you’re more capable than you thought.”
I’m trying to infuse a little bit of Jim Carrey “yes man!” in my own life. Magic isn’t guaranteed to happen when you show up. But nothing is guaranteed to happen if you don’t.
this headline is so good!