Persist or quit?
The agonising decision to double down or move on.
I had a mentor once. He was a relatively assertive guy. Rather savvy. A bit of a dealmaker. One day over coffee, I was lamenting my various business woes when he grabbed me by the shoulders and shook. Not in an aggressive way, but in a ‘stop complaining and get on with it, this is just business’ kinda way.
“Winners don’t quit Anna!”, he proclaimed loudly enough that the barista glanced towards us with mild amusement written all over her face.
“Winners don’t quit”, I repeated with a whisper, staring down at my now-tepid latte.
“Winners don’t quit”, I chanted to myself a few days on.
“Winners don’t quit”, I screamed months later when it all had become too much.
Brainwashed by a pervasive narrative that all the worthwhile pursuits in life - carving out a career, starting a business, building a personal brand etc. - should be hard, I persevered in jobs that I no longer wanted to be in, career paths I’d outgrown, and with products that remained unproven and decisions I’d made part of my identity.
I believed that my persistence was a sign of good character and despite feeling dread or defeat, I firmly strapped myself into the saddle of a high horse and rode a wave of moral superiority, knowing that I was someone who’d never! give! up!
But what I failed to realise is that while persistence is a noble trait in the right circumstances, in others it is an act of self-betrayal that leads, one way or another, to a reckoning. To seeing the truth of a situation laid bare.
Quitting something you’ve poured your heart, soul, time and cash into is never easy. I’ve wrestled with the choice to double down or walk away many times, and for me, my decision has always come down to one question: am I experiencing the right kind of hard or the wrong kind of hard?
The right kind of hard = hard because it’s a hard thing.
Sometimes stuff feels hard because what you’re doing is inherently challenging. Difficulty is in the DNA of things like building a business, finding product-market fit, putting your creative work into the world for everyone to see, read and judge. In these contexts success requires persistence beyond rational measure.
The wrong kind of hard = hard because it’s the wrong thing.
Other times stuff feels hard because you’re not supposed to be doing it. No matter how much you persist, you can’t seem to break through. No matter how much you try, things get unbelievably, unequivocally dreadful. This type of hard penetrates your bones. It eats into your self worth. It leeches into your psyche and makes you question everything you’ve done. This is the type of hard to walk away from.
Now I’m the first to admit that the line between these two brands of hard is blurry. Frustratingly so. But over the years I’ve learned the signals: if I still feel a spark deep within, I persist. If I still feel hope, I persist. But if I feel sad, disappointed or resentful when things are going well, or if I feel a wave of relief when an objectively exciting conversation, project or opportunity falls through, then I know it’s time to quit. To throw in the towel, no matter what, no matter how, sunk costs and all.
The most successful people I know confront the brutal facts and reckon with their truth. They’ve learned to quit, and quit well. They know when to walk away from shitty relationships, average products, fledgling businesses, soul sucking jobs and their own misguided opinions. They see pivots as part of the process.
The real marker of success isn’t to persist at all costs, it’s to persist valiantly, wholly and proudly until the spark dies. It’s to live the inescapable story of choosing flow over force, grace over grit, light over dark.
It’s to have the assertiveness, savviness and guts to walk away and be free.
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Needed this!!
This is spot on! Such a fine line, but one to be aware of. Thanks for sharing!