It's my birthday and I'll cry happy tears if I want to

One year old, some the wiser.

Today, Friday May 2nd, is my 36th birthday.

It feels surreal writing that because I, for one, don’t feel like I’m hurtling towards my forties. When I think of someone in their mid-late thirties I think of buttoned up suits, white picket fences and wholesome weekend visits to the park with the kids in tow. I think about the feeling of safety and security, and of being deeply established in a career, on a pathway and in a life.

When I open the dictionary and look up “someone aged 36” I don’t see a big ol’ picture of my face smiling back. I’m not married. I don’t have kids yet. I don’t own a house. I haven’t experienced a successful exit or a liquidity event. I don’t even have a formal job title other than the one I’ve given myself: part-writer, part-creator, part-consultant, part-builder-of-products.

I haven’t checked off all the traditional boxes that scream success for someone my age, as it were. You’d think I’d be running around in a flap but I’m rather calm about it all (one might suggest a little too calm given the above) because I’ve realised that I have something equally as valuable as a fully checked off list, at least to me. It’s a feeling. A knowing that I’ve uncovered my passion and purpose. An experience of waking up in a reality that makes me feel alive.

Even though the grey hairs are starting to sprout from my head (rude) and the crows are scratching their feet deeply into my skin, there’s so much to be grateful for.

The scarlet autumn leaves drifting lazily to the ground where they settle in a crunchy pile next to my feet. My family’s health. Having more than enough money to live on, more than enough to give. Winning the boyfriend lottery. Finding a cute top to go with those jeans. The luxury of dedicating much of my time to making beautiful writing. When a giggle becomes a belly laugh. Road trips. Living in the same apartment building as my best friends. Pickled onions on everything. Emails landing in the inbox that make me squeal. Finding product-market fit. The soaring sixth-floor view from my desk where, towards the horizon, I can see the rolling green hills of my childhood. How far I’ve come. Learning to carry my baggage as opposed to dragging it behind me. Finally understanding that it’s possible to strive for more while feeling content with who I am. This online community. Finding people all around the world who, just like me, are determined to live differently. Feeling deep conviction about my career, my pathway and my life.

Blowing out a candle and realising my wish has come true.

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Just a lil message of gratitude from me to you ❤️

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