How to promote yourself without giving people the ick.
A three step framework that never fails.
šš¼Ā Hey, IāmĀ Anna! Iām a Founder turned Startup Consultant, award winning podcaster and writer. Welcome to my weekly newsletter where I share business, career and life lessons learned from years of trying hard, failing often, dusting myself off and improving until I succeed.
Iāll never forget the first time I got the professional ick.
I was working in corporate and, like most Fridays, my colleagues and I were out at a boozy lunch with a client. We were having a grand old time until one client launched into a monologue about how great he was, how great his business was, and how everything he touched turned to gold. His air of arrogance stank so pungently it suffocated the entire room. During his pompous tirade I felt so embarrassed, and even the passing waiters looked like they wanted to crawl in a hole and die. The only one who didnāt seem fazed was him.
It was the worst display of arrogance Iāve ever seen, and over a decade later this memory still makes my skin crawl. It taught me a solid lesson about self promotion though, especially the big red flags to avoid.
The ick, explained.
The Urban Dictionary defines āthe ickā as:
Something someone does that is anĀ instantĀ turn-off for you, making youĀ instantlyĀ hate theĀ ideaĀ of being with them romantically.
The āprofessional ickā as defined by the Anna Mack Dictionary is an extension of the OG term:
Something someone does that is anĀ instantĀ turn-off for you, making youĀ instantlyĀ hate theĀ ideaĀ of being around them or working with them professionally.
I get major ick from people who ooze self importance and entitlement. It doesnāt matter if youāre the most accomplished human on Earth, if you scream indiscriminately from the rooftops about how many gold stars youāve earned without any acknowledgement of others youāre probably not my type.
Iām so acutely aware of not being self aggrandising that Iāve cowered in a corner not talking about what I do at all, terrified Iāll come across as arrogant. Iāve held back from sharing my wins because I donāt want to seem up myself. Iāve not told friends about landing new deals or big clients in case they think Iām boasting. At times Iāve kept it locked up inside; my ideas, dreams, capabilities, achievements, wins and risks that have paid off.
But hereās the thing: if we want to go places in life we have to promote what weāre doing. Itās how we display confidence and demonstrate competence. Itās how we create opportunities. Itās how we allow people into our world.
I genuinely believe that self promotion is a superpower. Done well, it allows people to connect with you. Done well, people will fall in love with your passion, heart, thoughts, ideas, efforts and intent. When you talk about yourself authentically it opens doors.
But how do we do it gracefully? How do we sell, share, persuade and entice? How do we tell everyone how amazing we are without telling everyone how amazing we are? How do we do it without giving people, or ourselves, the ick?
Three rules for self promotion:
Share ideas, not accolades.
This one comes from Organisational Psychologist Adam Grant, who makes a distinction between promoting yourself and promoting your ideas. He says:
āSo many people limit themselves by saying āI donāt want to self-promoteā. But thereās a huge difference between self promotion and idea promotion. Promoting yourself is saying ālook at me, look at how great I amā, promoting your ideas is saying āI made something Iām proud of, I hope itās valuable to you.āā
Think about that for a second. What would it look like to promote your ideas instead of yourself?
Instead of saying āI scaled my business from $100k to $1M in 12 months, how good am I!ā, you could say āOur team made a huge change to the way we run marketing that increased annual revenue to $1Mā.
Instead of saying āAs CEO Iāve driven unprecedented growth over the past 24 monthsā, you could say āDecision-making is one of the most important skills for any CEO and this is the framework I use to make mineā.
Instead of saying āI landed a massive 6 figure book dealā, you could say āThis is the daily writing routine Iāve followed for five years thatās led my first published bookā.
All of these statements make you look like a superstar, but only some make you sound like an douchebag.
Share stories, not facts.
You could tell people your laundry list of achievements but try crafting some stories that demonstrate your capability instead.
I use this trick a lot in my writing. If youāve been reading this āstack for a while you may have noticed that I open every post with a personal anecdote. Like this essay where I tell a story about flying to Barcelona to check out a competitorās new retail concept, or this essay where I share the lightbulb moment that I realised the value of systems in my life, or this essay where I shared the BTS of interviewing a famous artist in Brooklyn, NYC.
In each of these essays I donāt explicitly speak to my achievements. I never say Iām a gun note-taker, or that Iām amazing at building systems, or that I have a super high leverage network. Instead I paint a picture of someone whoās pretty good at each of these things. I use narrative to promote my capabilities in a way thatās softer, more accessible and gracious.
Promote yourself, promote others.
Recently some new research uncovered the secret to bragging - dual promotion. This is where you compliment a colleague or peer while also talking about your own achievements. It was found to:
āConsistently boost overall impressions. Audiences learned about your abilities,Ā andĀ saw you demonstrate concern for others. By talking positively about other people, you signal that you arenāt self-centered ā youāre a well-intentioned, warm colleague.ā
Instead of telling someone how great you are, tell them about how great your co-workers are. Mention how your employees contribute to the team, how capable your business partner is, or how your brilliant new mentor unlocked personal growth for you. By boasting about yourself as well as the people in your orbit, youāll come across as warm, capable and genuine.
Spread the love.
Self promotion is gross if you approach it like that old guy at lunch all those years ago, but it can be expansive when you come at it from a place of authenticity, openness and connection. When done well, it opens up dialogue. It creates space for people to fall in love with your ideas.
If youāre holding back from telling everyone how amazing you are, I encourage you to take a risk. Be brave. Speak louder. Share more. Broadcast your ideas. Tell your stories. Lift up your co-workers, co-founders, peers, employees and friends.
You might not nail self promotion right away and people may not fall in love with you at first sight. Keep speaking anyway. Sharpen your pitch. Refine your skills. Improve just a little for next time.
Because the only thing worse than giving people the ick?
Itās not showing up at all.
š What holds you back from promoting yourself?
Let us know in the comments below.
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This is a good post! :) Useful, thank you. I will come back to this.
Great examples of how to self- promote without being arrogant or causing āprofessional ick.ā There are so many successful writers, creators and founders who do not understand this concept and I see more and more of it. Itās a complete turnoff. Thanks for articulating the difference so clearly.